I'm tired...

It's times like this that I wonder if I have done enough...

Enough to inspire the future generation...
I tried, believe me I did....but I guess the outside/peer influence is so much more influential than I am...

I know that I can't change the world, can't change everyone...but those that I really feel the need to help/change don't seem to see it at all.
I put in effort/time/blood/sweat/tears...everything. It's just not freaking happening.


The only thing that keeps me going...for now is memories. Again, relivingthese memories....
I had my little devils who meant the world to me...Weiwen (arguably my favorite, yet the most volatile), Eileen, Feon, Sandi (the sweetest of them all who always seems so stable) and Cheryl.
Then it ended...
A new batch began, my fantastic lads - Guhan, Vikram, Edward, Ashwin, Raj, Ramarao.....again, they've gone. They were good....no great. Blood, sweat and tears...wonderful lads.

Now...I don't know who I'm working and striving for.

People always say, some students will do anything for their teachers.......I'll do anything for my kids.

I think I've done a lot. Have I not? I guess it is never enough.

Now who.....my athletes are no longer build like Raj, Guhan, Edward, Ashwin and Vikram anymore. These boys put in 110% in everything that they undertook. Perhaps I'll never have a batch like them again. Is my passion for my athletes dwindling? Or is it them who just doesn't want it as much as the seniors anymore....My consolation ozg, ishaq and raafik. I'm just glad that they are still wonderful boys.....

I have/had wonderful talented boys and girls now.....shahril, sharwin, iniyan (had). Ani, nazeera, huimin and camilah arguably could have been a fantastic four. I guess they don't have the passion....
I feel bad.....sad....disappointed even. So much hope was pinned on these 4....but nothing to even dream of now.

Emissaries.....Sylvia and Arjay keeps me going. I just feel it in them, that they would want the best for their peers. I see it in their eyes, I feel it in the heartbeat and I sense it when I talk to them. Again, I know it's just for a couple of years....they'll be out of the system in a year or so.

Then what? Back to square one.......

Start all over again? A new batch of students...

Now I understand why....I understand why teachers need to have a heart of stone.
Not easy to see my first batch of sec 4s graduate....4H was special. I'll miss them....

All over again...year in, year out. Emotionally draining.....I see why some of the senior staff don't want to bond with the kids....not easy.

Let's see how much longer I can keep this up.......


Tired,
RuDy